Now I know I touched on this in Chapter 1, but “Lying” was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to wedding guests and their ridiculousness. Don’t be surprised if a lot of these memoirs are about requests. I will preface this with; not every wedding has a Play My Request (PMR) guest. In fact, most weddings guests understand that either the couple provided a list of Must Plays or the fact that it is a wedding and the crowd is diverse, so you can’t stick to just one genre or decade.
Introducing the PMR guest. Now the PMR guest is typically a little bit “extra” at normal events, let alone this one. With that said, they probably get a bit silly when the booze kicks in, so it amps up the “extra”, if ya know what I mean. Since they’re being a bit overboard, they’re bouncing around to a bunch of different groups of folks and then they find their target: the DJ. And we can all see it coming from a mile away.
So now the engagement with the PMR guest and I at the DJ table commences. First you have to understand, DJ’s don’t just hang out at the table and press play on songs. I take that back, some do and you shouldn’t book them. Please don’t book them! You don’t have to book me, but definitely don’t book them. Anyways, as I’ve said time and time again, you’re reading the crowd, checking the time, making sure you’re on schedule, specific guests are where they need to be for different events. For real though, it’s a lot going on. I ask brides if they have Must Plays for themselves and a group or specific people. So if the bride wants Party in the USA for her and her best friend and her best friend isn’t around the dance floor, well then I have yet another thing to worry about. If your DJ’s head isn’t on a swivel, you got jacked for money on your wedding day because your DJ is busted.
Ok, back to the PMR guest. So they come up to me and now they’re hammered and they ask me for something ridiculous or a Do Not Play list song. Not only do they ask for this foolish song, they want it next. Well that’s not exactly how things work. Besides the aforementioned things we’re worrying about, you have a thing called BPM, beats per minute. So even if you did come at me with something that wasn’t too crazy, I have to make sure I’m in the BPM range to even play it. You can’t just toss songs on; I mean you can and again, don’t book those DJ’s. Not only that, you can’t just transition from a banger hip-hop song to Sinead O’Conner.
The next step this person will take after bothering me 3-4 times in a 30 minute span is bring the bride or groom over. So you’re telling me, your happiness of playing this garbage song is worth more than your friend(s) happiness on the biggest day of their life? BRUH. It really upsets me when brides/grooms are dragged over to the table for this.
People just don’t understand, you’re at a wedding. A. WED. DING. Grandma is 20 feet away from the speaker, so 6ix9ine isn’t a good look. There’s a banging dance floor jam-packed, no I am not going to play “a song for the old folks,” because most likely I already hit them with their stuff and now they’ve petered out or the younger crowd has taken over. I’m not going to “play something good” when there’s a bunch of people living their best lives on the floor and you’re version of “good” is not “good”. It’s not about you, bud. You’re a guest of the stars of the show. It’s not, I’m sorry. Of the 36 weddings I’ve done thus far, I can recall a PMR guest/bridal party member at about 10 weddings. Out of that group, not one bad review. So, I hate to say it Mr./Mrs. PMR, but it’s you, not me.
So you’re probably saying “Tony, good story. You made me laugh, but you sound like a whiny baby. It’s your job to deal with people, so do it.” Trust me, I get it. I don’t go up to brides and grooms about annoying guests. In fact I don’t say anything to anyone, unless they ask; well except for my group chat (s/o Underdog, iLL, Mad Dog and Ricky (DJ name TBD lol). I’m there to divert all issues and make this the best night ever. In essence, there’s really nothing you can do besides not inviting these folks, which you really can’t do or say no requests. If I got married, it would be a no request wedding because I have all the faith in the world that the guy I’m paying (DJ Nugget, keep your book open for me bro!) is going to rock the shit out of my party, based on the 2-3 meetings, 16 emails, 4 phone calls and 39 texts we had about what my fiancé and I want.
So PMR guest, go annoy someone else, please… I hear the bathroom attendant is a big talker, go see him.